Have you read much about the transference where the dependency is rooted? There are many threads here about it and books too. And here's a site that talks about it : www.guidetopsychology.com.

Irvin Yalom's book "The Gift of Therapy" and Michael Kahn's book "Between Therapist and Client" and Deborah Lott's book "In Session" The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists are great books that you might enjoy. I ordered them from Amazon.com. Several members here recommended them.

I found the dependency felt "not right" at first. In fact we just talked about it Friday. I can't fully explain what feels "not right" about it yet. But I indulge in it anyway because I know it is okay, not only okay but understood by T and important to the process. And I love how it feels.

When T and I talked about it she asked if the fear of losing the closeness makes it feel 'not right' and yes I think it is that. Kind of like why get used to something that's just going to go away?

It won't end abruptly, so it won't feel as if it's suddenly yanked away from us. It will be a long process that will feel comfortable and can be talked about at any time.

Maybe that's what's going on with you? Your worry about the dependency is about your fear that it will end abruptly or will be taken away before you're ready? So you want to control when it happens so you can control the pain you expect to feel if it were to end abruptly or be taken away before you're ready?

What do you think?