I'm still figuring out my 'type'. It was my first real relationship where I experienced a lot of things and I was scared to open up because I didn't want to be judged. I will be honest that I am insecure, sensitive and sometimes get jealous. I guess those are my flaws that pushed him away?

I still carry guilt and regret with me. A lot of my guilt comes from wanting to pursue a teaching job abroad. I want to work in adult education/ESL programs for a career and thought that we could make it work long distance. He supported my decision but I still think that he broke up with me because I wanted to go. It makes it seem like I didn't care about us but I wanted to make it work no matter what.

After we broke up, we stayed 'friends' but I knew that was a bad move because I still had feelings for him. We hooked up a lot and I lost my self-respect (hooking up is something out of character for me since he was my first. A few months before we stopped talking, I avoided him and declined when he wanted to meet up. My gut was telling me that he was seeing someone else too. He still wanted to be my friend and told me he cared a lot about me. But I just couldn't be friends then and still feel regretful and wonder if I made the right choice. We haven't talked to each other since last summer.

I get jealous of him easily and I think it's because he's had a lot of success while I am still figuring things out. He bought a house and a car last year and now he has a new girlfriend. His life is wonderful. I'm still working on my career and me - that's pretty much it. So... as you can see there are a lot of things about me that need work. Plus I just gave you my life story - sorry for the long post. Just frustrated with it.