Hello Ilovebacon. Know that you have understanding here. If you look through some previous posts in this forum...you will see many are in different stages of healing. It was also very hard for me to find understanding from friends or even family that lived with my alcoholic father.

I did eventually let go of my father completely... after decades of pain. I did have therapy/support as I did this. He is dead and I have no regrets - I know that is not what others would choose to do.

As I started to understand my past and my behavior that is a result of my past experiences, I started to become less angry. That anger and pain will get in the way of having a good life for yourself and your family.

I still carry some traits that are not helpful in my life but things are much much better.

Welcome.... I hope this is part of your journey to heal and live the best life you can. Do not let him haunt you and take all the good things in you.