Woke up again today with some of the nastier memories from my childhood playing out in my head. I hate when that happens. It covers everything else in my day with a layer of sadness and regret. I wish I could just have some of the memories removed. Where is Lacuna, Inc. when I need them? Maybe some day. Meanwhile, I will just have to sit through the pain of my remembrance. All the people I've harmed. All the missed opportunities. The feeling of futility; one step forward, two steps back. I feel so tired. I have to keep going. I have to slap on a happy face, or at least a complacent one. I have people depending on me and responsibilities. I would so very much like to curl up in a corner and feel sorry for myself. Forget about everything and cry until there's only a hollow space left where the pain is now. But it is an indulgence that I just can't allow today. Too much real life-important-now stuff going on. There will be time to cry for the past later.