It's partly my little brother; it's mainly that all episodes go through stages for me and this is one of them. If I had agitated depression I must still have to go through depression and if I had mania this is the opposite. Or it's just what the mixed episode has to do before it levels off. This is just not over yet and after 6 months I'm having a hard time with that; I'm frustrated even though I know this is part of the cycle and hopefully the last part of it.

It just doesn't feel good and the last few days have been hard. Hopefully today I'll get enough rest and will feel better tomorrow.Some of it is undoubtedly med changes (AP increase about a week ago then AD increase 2 days ago and I need to increase both again soon but hope to wait a week until I see my pdoc).

As long as I spend a lot of time every evening coloring I know this is not over. The coloring is still a siginificant part of my calm-down routine for now so things still have a ways to go.

A few more months and this should end.