i am sorry you feel soo bad, i've been there and back. think of the and back part. i'm 54 yrs now with teenage suicide attempts 2 which obviously didn't work-thank God.i think you need to see a doc soon and t to tell this to. they really do help even though alot of people don't care to believe in them. only those of us who have been there and back can attest to this. good luck