If you've read any of my posts, you'll see I'm in the EXACT same boat as you. My T used to let me cry on her shoulder....she'd hold me, rub my back, play with my hair, she made me feel SO safe and cared for. Then, it just stopped. It took me almost a month to realize she wasn't offering that anymore (I see her twice a week, so probably 6-8 sessions). So, the beginning of March, I asked her about it. She said touch is not her modality, and she strayed from that but had to go back to what she DOES do, which is talk. She said she wouldn't be sitting by me anymore, that I need to rely on my internal resources. I begged to know what changed, she said it wasn't anything I did, but wouldn't exactly say. We argued by text, Email, and sessions about this until I gave up, and just kept trying to continue the way I was originally. I just wasn't able to let it go. I was hypersensitive to any changes. My biggest problem wasn't that she quit this contact, but that she didn't talk to me about it. She said she would still hug me at the end of sessions, but that is it. But as time went on, I started to notice other things. Her hugs, which used to be nice, long, warm hugs, were short, and almost felt forced. She quit disclosing things about herself. She went from answering pretty much every Email to maybe about half of that, and when she did answer, it was a sentence or two. She doesn't answer every text. I try to only text or Email when they are initiated by her now. And what you described about vacations....my T is due back from vacation today, and I understand THAT, too. She has ALWAYS ALWAYS insisted that I check in with her while she's gone. Even last summer when she was getting married and gone for two weeks! She said if I didn't touch base with her she would harass me. I never took advantage of it, but did do as she asked. she knows I feel guilty about her spending time reading/responding to me when she's on vacation, but I still did as she asked. Well, she left for vacation a week ago (I don't know where...she usually offers THAT, too, but not this time). She flat out told me she wouldn't be available by phone or Email while she was gone. This is new to me. I didn't plan on contacting her anyway, but just the thought that I can was helpful to me, and now, I was told I couldn't. Well, she said I could Email while she was gone, but she wouldn't see it till she got back. So since she changed her touch boundaries, which absolutely CRUSHED ME, and didn't even talk to me about it until I noticed and brought it up, my fear is that she can change other things without telling me. So I'm super sensitive to anything changing...even the tiniest thing, and I know that it's hindering my therapy because I'm focusing too much on what she's doing or not doing. But I love her. I'm attached to her. And have a hard time considering leaving her. But I also feel like I'm hurt beyond repair. It's her right to change boundaries if she sees fit....I wish they'd stay consistent, and I wish she never would have offered me that touch, EVER, just to take it away. But my biggest wish is that she would have talked to me about it...instead of let me figure it out on my own and bring it up to her. So, as I said, she's due to get back from her vacation today, and I see her on Monday. I want to bring up the no contact on vacation thing...but I think I'll hold off and see if she brings something up first. I'm so afraid of complaining about anything...for fear of more being taken away. Like I said, I'm insanely sensitive right now...and things HAVE changed since our rupture, even though she says they have not.

Luckily, my T has always been consistent on session lengths, I would never dream of asking for an extended session because it has never been offered. But I see her twice a week as it is, so I think that's enough time.

I get why you'd be hurt, but you've also got to keep in mind that if your therapist lets you rely on her too much it's to your detriment. The reality is she can't really be there for you at all times. As far as vacations, what if she did keep in touch but resented you for it? Would that be a fair trade off? I'm not saying I don't get wanting, even "needing" that contact though. I really did (and also didn't) want to bother my therapist on his vacations. I finally decided to ask him to text me one pic of wherever he was at, I figured that would be quick and easy for him but also allow me to feel connected. I asked him to do this and he agreed, after not contacting him the whole time (which was a matter of pride for me) he finally did text me a pic of the beach on his last day. Maybe you can ask her to do this?