Some people say it takes a long time to get over an ex regardless of how long you dated that person or if they've moved on before you. I was cleaning my activity log on FB of my own posts on friends' walls. I scrolled down and saw my ex's thumbnail photo of him and his gf and though we are no longer friends (virtual or real), you can still see past updates and posts. He must really love her to even change his profile photo because he never did that with me. (not saying that she's better than me but maybe he's found the right person and I wasn't) My heart raced when I saw it. I didn't click it or look again. I hit delete and kept scrolling.

Needless to say I am still getting over and through how I feel. I still think of him a lot and truly care about him. I've been through a lot of changes both positive and significant to be a better person. Therapy has helped and I picked up rock climbing and travelled extensively this year. I went on some dates this year too. But I've found that only I know how I truly feel about the break-up and only I can experience it in its entirety (does that make sense?) My mind brings up memories every now and then that make me incredibly sad because he's not here.

When I tell people that I'm still working through these feelings or still getting over it, they always reply with 'why? Find someone new!', or my favorite : 'Was it serious? Only 11 months? Move on already'.

It's been over one year since we broke up and over 8 months since I talked to him. We tried to stay friend but it hurt me too much. It is a constant battle to understand why things happened and finding my worth (some days). Some days I really feel like I don't mean anything to him because he's long gone. It was a mistake for him to date me. Why would he care when he loves someone else? I know I shouldn't care about what he's doing and I'm not helping myself by thinking about him, but what else is left when I've done everything in my might to move forward with life?

I need a new perspective. I just can't get rid of how I feel and the fact that everyone around him knows that I was just a joke.