Quote:
Originally Posted by secretgalaxy
That must have been very hard you during that time. I am very sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully now you have come to accept yourself for who you are? If not, hopefully you are working on it.  
I started actually cutting in the 7th grade, so I was 11-12. Before that was scratching and biting, or hitting my head/thighs as hard as I could.
Anyway, I still remember the day rather clearly. My friend had been cutting and she said it made her feel good, and I was going through a lot with PTSD and severe Anxiety, so I wanted something that would help me too. That afternoon, after school, I did it. The instant relief and distracting fascination turn into an immediate addiction, in which I have allowed to take over. I stopped fighting 3 years ago, and just allow the urges to be satisfied.
If I had a bad day, especially with flashbacks and anxiety, having a tool that completely distracts me was what kept me here for so long.
Self-harm is bittersweet... |
I've accepted it more. I'd rather not be, but it's who I am and regardless how I became this way, it's not going to change so I might as well accept it.
Self harm probably kept me from killing myself many times. Before that I starved myself. That caused so many more problems than actual cutting though. I almost died from anorexia and I have heart issues still today. And the last time I was hospitalized for it was in 2011! So self harm was actually a much better alternative to helping me cope. Starvation, no.
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