PinkFlamingo,

I know I'm just typing words and your feelings of self-blame are naturally strong - but none of it is your fault.

I understand that you probably are attached to her (5 years, after all!) but none of this is your fault.

At the risk of criticizing your ex T whom you're attached to, I think this is her failure to provide you / connect you to the higher level of care you need.

She made you feel you had to "snap out of it" and you felt blamed and also experienced functioning deterioration...all this points that she didn't have the competency to treat you but yet she didn't refer you up or even suggest more supports (I dunno, like intensive outpatient programs?) in addition to seeing her.

She let you down.

It hurts to lose the relationship with her though she failed you, I understand.

I'm glad that you're improving under the care of your hospital psychologist. You deserved this level of care that you're now experiencing a long time ago, before you suffered such a decline in functioning.

Your ex T really failed you.