I totally understand and wish I had some good advice for you! I struggle with breaks and vacations, and your situation is much longer so I can understand why you would think that it's best to end it. But I hope you can resist that urge. Obviously, you have a strong bond with her for a reason -- she must be very helpful for you.

I worry about my attachment too since nothing in life is guaranteed and any ending would hurt tremendously. You sound a lot like me! But when I sit with those feelings, I realize since they are so strong (those fears of loss and abandonment) those must be core things I need to work on otherwise they wouldn't come up so strongly between my therapist and me. And if I quit and isolate, I've only avoided them again and not faced and dealt with them.

When she does return, you will have this experience to explore with her rich with all of your reactions and emotions and the decisions you were trying to make. (I do the same thing you do -- I completely lose my bond and am unable to "carry my T with me" -- I haven't figured that one out.) In the meantime, distraction is your best friend!

I really feel for you.