Hi,

I have some questions relating to a new romantic relationship. I met this particular lady through an online dating website, a few months ago. She has a very nice personality. She is very calm and easy going. We have had such a lot of fun since we met, going out to different places. I'm very bad at small talk, and can really only engage in conversations about deeper topics. We don't tend to have the latter but we have good chemistry and can very comfortably be silent from time-to-time. I consider this to be a very positive thing. The lady is also kind and I think we are quite deeply in love. We recently began to talk about the future. I think it is important to understand each others goals and priorities. My observations of others tell me that those goals/priorities need be fairly similar. Anyway, in the process, of having this discussion, I learned that my girlfriend wants to have children within the next couple of years. My initial feeling wass that this is not something that I want. But it is very important to her and not something she would want to compromise on. I want to make her happy. So essentially I have to chose whether to continue with the relationship, and change my long term plans, or let her fund someone who does want children. It's a very difficult choice. Part of me likes the idea of being a dad. But the rest of me is very scared. I feel that I am just beginning to gain control of my life. My experience of family life was not positive. My parental family is toxic. When my sister was born this exposed a lot of deep divisions in the relationship between my mum and dad. There is a lot I could say about this, but I'm trying to keep the post reasonably concise. Anyway,I'm afraid to take such a huge and life changing step in case history repeats itself. I see one possible area where divisions could arrise between myself and this lady, namely my commitment to my career. I've spent a lot of time getting educated and developing my career. This is an area where we are a bit different. I fear that, in time ,she would resent the time I spend on my work. It is not a prioritiy we share. If I feel overly restricted I would probably feel unhappy. I don't want to lose my hard won freedom. But at the same time I'd love to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. I guess my priorities might be different to hers. I want to focus on my partner and on spending happy times together. I'd like to work towards establishing a degree of financial independence. These goals seem at odds with having a child. I think that I am clear what I want. But I have a lot of doubts. I always have doubts when entering into a new relationship. Essentially those doubts stem from my dread of not being accepted for who I am, and of losing my independence. I also feel that I've become so used to subjugating my needs that I often don't know clearly where my boundaries are or what I can and cannot conceed. I fully understand that changes are part and parcel of entering a relationship. I'm very willing to compromise and I'm very familiar with doing so. But I don't want to drift into anotyher relationship where I give up on everything I want. I would really appreciate some advice on how to navigate this kind of situation. I find myself perpetually returning to this same place, just with different people involved.