I don't think I feel bitter, just an incredible, sometimes overwhelming feeling, of deep deep sorrow and sadness. My parent's weren't horrible or abusive; they were simply clueless and didn't understand their 2nd. child, who was very different in both looks, temperament, intellectual interest & social intelligence, from their other four children. My sorrow and sadness comes from years of me trying, unsuccessfully, to gain their approval and acceptance. I knew as I got older that my parents loved me, they just didn't get me and that caused me terrible loneliness and mental anguish. And they weren't able to protect me during or after the abuse, they just didn't GET IT or recognize it or validate what it did to me.

I wish I could say that I've learned to "move on" from this need to gain their acceptance and approval (my dad is three years passed and my mom is in her mid 80's), but I can still feel the terrible painful twinge of non approval at times . . . but I'm getting better at recognizing what the pain comes from and moving on. I think my sadness now, at my advanced age , comes from a realization that time is short and I've wasted so many years seeking that approval. If I can say anything to you younger people, it's about truly finding someone to help you focus on validation from within, rather than from the outside. My life hasn't been wasted, but it sure could have been better if I had learned to love and validate myself, rather than concentrating on the voices of self-hatred that plagued me for so many years.