thank you for writing back. sorry i will try to explain it better. i'm working on a lot of self esteem stuff in therapy and i'm trying to figure out who i am. and i don't really have any friends except my wife and some people in her family but they live pretty far off. and i'm trying to figure out who i am as a person cause before i never really thought about myself. and theres a lot of stuff i like but it always goes wrong when i try to do something for myself. i got a motorcycle and i keep trying to pass the test to get the license but i failed nine times. now i gotta wait until i can try again. i got some brain damage and i never been good at taking tests or school or stuff like that and i just feel stupid all the time. my wife and my therapist are always saying i'm not stupid but i always mess stuff like this up and i can't pretend i dont. and i really like boxing i kinda always wanted to be a boxer but i can't cause i can't get hit in the head anymore. so i started going to this boxing gym to try and make some friends and find people who like the same stuff and i was just working out there not boxing. but then i was just practicing with this one guy and we weren't really boxing, not hitting in the head just tagging eachother i told my wife and she freaked out cause she thinks i'm gonna get hurt and now she don't want me doing that anymore so i can't do that either. i understand that its cause she cares and i'm really lucky that she does care but it feels like everything i do is wrong. and i'm so angry almost all the time now. i always grown up with violence and i don't know how to get it out. i would kill myself before i ever did anything violent to my family. i will never hurt them but i used to hurt myself a lot. i used to cut and burn myself but i stopped doing that a long time ago and now its getting hard again to not think about that. i guess i feel like i'm trapped. i don't know what i'm supposed to be or who i am or what is right or wrong.
i hope maybe this explained it better. sorry i'm not good at writing stuff.i hope it made sense.