Thank you so much for the support, you guys. It means a lot.
She hasn't responded to my email (where I indicated that I asked for the extended session because I feel like I need more support). I'm trying not to dwell, but it's hard not to. And when I do think about it, I feel the kind of terror that seems like it will swallow me whole. I don't think she's going to answer my email. I'm supposed to see her tomorrow evening, but, at this point, I don't want to go. I resent having to spend my session telling her how hurt I feel -- and potentially having to spend a bunch of time making her understand why this was hurtful -- when there was other stuff I actually really needed to talk to her about. I just wanted some extra support! If she had said that she wasn't available to do an hour, I probably would have asked if she was available for a phone check-in later in the week. That's not unusual for us either. But what if it's suddenly an issue? I just can't deal with this right now. I used to absolutely suck at asking her for what I needed, but she encouraged me to ask! I still feel some lingering fear when I ask, but it's nothing like it used to be. But now I feel terrified to ask for anything. I want her to respond to my email and at least acknowledge that she was hurtful/give me a sign that she will be willing to process this with me, but I don't think I should send her another email asking for a response. I couldn't handle it if I got another one-sentence note like, "I think, unless there's a specific reason for me to respond, we should discuss this in session."
Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliaxxx
Oh ****!!! I hope mine doesn't do that!!! I am in the stage where she is hugging me and holding my hand and being close, and I recently told her I "think I'm too dependent on these appointments"! Stupid! She probably will eventually pull back now. Even though she said, like yours, that she'll "never leave me". I am a little scared now that she will change the bondries now that I see it's common. Not that any were every directly set I guess. But she could make them... Or take back the hugs. I'm scared, it's official.
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I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. It's just cruel to set someone up to depend on you with hugging and hand-holding and closeness and then pull back before the patient is ready. I hope very much that she doesn't do that. Maybe you could talk to her about your fears and see what she says? It's not a foolproof method or anything, and I know that sometimes people are wildly disappointing out of nowhere, but it might help her to understand how you feel...and then hopefully she'll be careful. Just my take, I might be totally wrong. Sending you lots of good wishes!
EDIT: Oh man, she just responded "I'm sorry you felt blind-sided by my response; it is always OK for you to
ask for something. Let's talk more about it when we see each other tomorrow."
I don't know how I feel about that.
