Amelia, if there were ever a contest on who has the "worst transference case" there would be a million patients applying. Transference, no matter how "extreme" is totally necessary in deep therapy. Just talking about love and loss problems in life isn't going to help you, it's only when you feel it in therapy that positive changes can happen. Amelia, I wish you would read up on transference some more at different on-line web sites and see how transference is a part of therapy. You can find out what the therapist believes and does about your feelings.
I have most of the "crazy" obsession with my T that you describe, Amelia. I actually felt better reading about your reactions, as I'm learning to honor my own inner child needs and fears. "Inner child" describes our situation in therapy very well, and allows that we also have an adult self that knows to go to work or school, pay bills, live real life, etc.
Be kind to yourself. Love and help your Inner Child. It sounds to me like your T knows what to do. Mine does a lot like yours. Just keep going to therapy and tell your T all that you can. It's scary to admit these things to T, as your early caretakers made you feel guilty and ashamed to feel or even to tell about it.
And it isn't just the logic you do in therapy that makes you stronger, but the relationship with the T that changes you over the long term. There's a lot to know about how transference works and how it can help you, not hurt you, and also a lot of discussion on the forum here. Just look up the "transference" articles and info on this forum and it should help with your fears quite a lot.