Okay...thanks for filling us in here, Freewill...It sounds like your son had plenty of opportunities for furthering his education but has been sidelined by his relationship with this "girlfriend," who has had a child with another fella! It also sounds like if he marries this girl, he is in for a life of hardship. At some point, however, you are going to have to stop footing the bill for him and give him a wakeup call about what he's doing...squandering his opportunities for a fulfilling life! I do know how you feel...devastated and truly overwhelmed!
When my daughter graduated from high school, she had a full four year scholarship to Univ. of KY...everything paid for. Just before departing for college she eloped with a boy I had only met once. She admitted to me what she had done, and she went off to live in the dorm till he could join her and they set up housekeeping in an apt. He was an alcoholic/addict/drug dealer and she stayed with him for three years. When she did this, it was like a death to me! I didn't know what to do, and he didn't even want us talking to her on the phone! I learned, after she finally left him in her junior year, that he had been extremely abusive, had slammed her against the wall, thrown beer bottles at her, peed on the floor before going to bed, locked her in the bathroom while playing Russian roullette with his drug friends. ....She did finally leave him and is now happily married to a wonderful man and they have twin boys. Both have good jobs and the twins are a true joy to me.
I've shared all of this because I truly know what a nightmare our kids can create for us!
It sounds to me that your son needs to get away from this girl and start preparing for his own life!
Love
Patty