You make sense to me. I've had a pretty rough life with one bad thing after another that was beyond my control. Currently I'm at the lowest point I've ever been with no job, no money, no car, no friends, no hobbies, no independence.. the only thing I really have left in life is my younger brother. I don't see a way out, either. I'm dependent upon a parent who has a history of abuse and neglect towards me, and who still to this day is always playing games, even when it comes to me getting proper help. Even if I did manage to get a job, it's probably going to be minimum wage, probably not full time hours. I don't see how I will ever be independent, and don't think I could qualify for disability, since my mother never took me to the hospital even when I was obviously psychotic or suicidal, so I don't have much of a medical history. I feel backed into a corner in life right now. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to tell normal anger from mental illness anger. Wouldn't even "normal" people be angry in such a situation? I notice that during my episodes of extreme rage or agitation, it tends to be directed only at certain people, there seems to be a rhyme and reason to it. But in the end I'm still powerless, the only move left for me to make on the board would be a violent outburst and then surrendering to life in prison. "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" as the Smashing Pumpkins say.