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Are you in therapy now? I think you said somewhere that you don't have insurance, but perhaps you can see someone at your college? Sometimes just saying the words out loud really helps. A good therapist would understand that simply saying "I'm have suicidal thoughts" does not mean that you are going to act on them. Just releasing the tension associating with having those thoughts, can be very cathartic. Maybe you could check with your school and see what's available?

Hugs, emmy

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I go to a technical college and I don't physically "go." I take classes online so I can stay home with my kids.

I thought about checking into medicaid or something like that, but I'm not sure if I'd qualify since I have an occasional income and since I'm not pg, I can only get it if I can prove I'm disabled physically or mentally and don't have a job because of it.