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Originally Posted by CopperStar
It confuses me, too. Sometimes I think I actually just have a lot to be very angry about, but it's so horrible and exhausting to live with that I don't even mind if pdocs blame it on mental illness, if they can make it go away.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CopperStar
You make sense to me. I've had a pretty rough life with one bad thing after another that was beyond my control. Currently I'm at the lowest point I've ever been with no job, no money, no car, no friends, no hobbies, no independence.. the only thing I really have left in life is my younger brother. I don't see a way out, either. I'm dependent upon a parent who has a history of abuse and neglect towards me, and who still to this day is always playing games, even when it comes to me getting proper help. Even if I did manage to get a job, it's probably going to be minimum wage, probably not full time hours. I don't see how I will ever be independent, and don't think I could qualify for disability, since my mother never took me to the hospital even when I was obviously psychotic or suicidal, so I don't have much of a medical history. I feel backed into a corner in life right now. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to tell normal anger from mental illness anger. Wouldn't even "normal" people be angry in such a situation? I notice that during my episodes of extreme rage or agitation, it tends to be directed only at certain people, there seems to be a rhyme and reason to it. But in the end I'm still powerless, the only move left for me to make on the board would be a violent outburst and then surrendering to life in prison. "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" as the Smashing Pumpkins say.
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That's a difficult situation to be in, I'm kind of in a similar situation... I don't know how i will ever be independent.. I'm thinking about becoming a certified dog trainer, maybe that will make me independent in some way but I'm still trying to earn enough money to have enough to get certified and once I'm a dog trainer, I could have my own hours and get paid what I would like to charge for my services...
That is kind of a bad situation that you were not sent to get help for your problems.. Most of the time in my life, I did it myself, I went and sought help without my mother knowing... even when I was in high school, I did the same thing too so I go a long way trying to get help for my problems... if my mother knew about it, I would feel kind of embarrassed.
If you can go and try to get help on your own, that may help you... and because of your situation, you may try to get SSI and that might help you in some way too which is what I'm also trying to do. I'm appealing my SSI decision because I know I need help and my illness is a reason why I can't consistently start something and finish it and do that every day... like it's hard to accomplish things and also the depression and mania, make my sleep patterns horrible, so it's hard to think of having a job when my sleep patterns get in the way of how well rested and stable enough i am for a job.. I kind of feel like getting SSI will help me gain some independence... by helping me to pay for the tools I need to create something for myself that will help me become independent.. but that help is so important, without it, I'll be stuck living with my mother in horrible conditions.
I hope things work out for you... what you're going through does sound stressful... I'm sorry to hear about your pain... things will get better, it's hard to look at life and not see hope but I believe things will work out... you will be ok. Keep talking, asking for help and you will get the help you deserve... you know you are drowning in that pain and because of that wouldn't it make sense to ask for help? it makes sense... keep asking for help...