If you are thinking of suicide and these options it really is time to reach out for help from a therapist. At the very least a hotline where they can help you get help.

I can tell you the same thing that I tell my step sons when their suicidal thoughts begin to come more often, get more detailed etc...that when someone takes their own life there is no closure for the loved ones. The hole left in their hearts and the guilt of not having been able to help lasts a lifetime..

Please be good to yourself and call for help or talk to someone you trust...something to get help during this hard time. *hugs*