Hi ThisWayOut,

Yes, sounds like it's going to take a lot to get through to that happy waiting "on the other side". Not that, that needs to rule out trying to focus on it but sounds like you need more too??
And kind of left in limbo by your T's............is it really not a possibility to start with your new T sooner- ask for leniency??? Now might be a real good time to start with them if possible???
But the backing away from talking...........I'd say that sometimes that happens as a form of protecting ourselves........and sometimes opening up needs to happen at your own pace..........but now you're ready to/need to with the right support??
And your wife.........maybe she doesn't know enough yet of exactly how you're feeling for her to let go of her own insecurities/to see it's not about the relationship???
Do you think a letter or email might give you more scope to relate that to her??? To open the door to actual conversation???
Just try not to be alone with all of this, hey?? Keep reaching out

Alison