The problem with my fiance is he tries to fix things or gets overly comforting? So last night we were cuddling when I started to cry about ex-T. He wasn't responding expect to say "I know". I told him that I didn't find that supportive. Then he starts kissing me over and over on my back. To me, that reads romantic, so I ask him to stop. Then he gets upset because he reads that as I'm pushing him away. So he feels he needs to take action. He tells me he is going to email ex-T! Not good. So then we fight about why he can't contact her, how it will mke things worse. So he leaves the room. At which point I'm hystetical. Luckily, he has improved and he came back within 5mins and apologized. I asked for some time alone, and he gave it to me. Then I told him I was going to sleep and he came and tucked me in.

I do seek physical comfort outside my relationship with my fiance. I seek it from women. That is from my lack of touch growing up, and my need for women in my life. I don't have the same sort of bond with men as I do with women. It's not romantic or sexual in anyway. There's just a different level of comfort that women provide me with. I'm used to it from all my mother-figures I had growing up. But it's not just with older women. I had a very close friend in jr high and we would always touch. In hs, my gay bf and I would always cuddle (yeah, I know he's a guy, but similar relationship).

I know my new T probably won't budge on her boundaries with touch. And that's okay. At least I can get hugs from her when I'm ready for it.

But I don't find her comforting in any way. I've talked to her about her expressions. She said that she wasn't going to worry about it because she feels she would distract herself by being more concern with her expressions than wht I'm saying. I wish she would work on it. I asked her for simple things, least I thought were simple. I told her how people over-exaggerate their expressions with babies, not that I want her to react to me like I'm a baby. But I want to see the change in her face and voice. I suggested even whispering when I'm upet. Now, in her defense, I haven't cried with her since we talked about it. So maybe she will make changes? She said she wouldn't though.

Maybe it's the BPD, but facial expressions are important to me. Same with vocal. It's how I can read a person. My T doesn't have a flat affect, but she doesn't change from normal to concerned. She's just constantly happy. Least that's how I read her.

And I did tell her that I was trying to reach out to her this week, trying to gain some comfort. She said she wants to, but can't in an email...

Yes, a lot of this goes back to ex-T. I know new T will never be her. But I wish I could feel some sort of comfort, care, or connection with her. I'm wanting that which is a good sign that I'm wanting to connect. But I don't know how. This is all so confusing to me. I'm sure if I graduated from ex-T instead of being abandoned, my relationship with new T would be different. But here I am... She is my "rebound" T (as she put it), and there's nothing to change it. I'm trying to work with her to the best of my ability. I do talk to her, am open and honest about everything. I do like her as a T. I just....want more?

That's why I'm wondering how you all feel comforted (or cared for). But rainbow8 is probably right. I might be asking the wrong question. Maybe the better question is when: when did you start feeling comforted or cared for by your T? Is 11 weeks too soon? I'm used to having an instant connection, so this is all new to me. What's normal? How do you know when someone cares? Why can't I feel it?