i have never had any of that...the only thing i know of is the need to be somewhere/feel safe.

i cannot make any plans except day to day type stuff when it comes up..not because of confusion on what to do, but more because nothing else seems to exist for me.

i am who is here most the time, but i am still missing the 'what do i want to do with my life' aspect of things. i'm not sure why..it just has always been like that....well, okay, a lot of it is out of fear (and the fear of dissociating as well).

i would LOVE to be able to have the ability to want to do something more than just what i do day to day..it just doesn't seem to exist.

i am also bad at following through with things as simple as volunteering somewhere because of the fear....of having to get somewhere..of what happens if i panic or dissociate, etc. just so many rules it seems.....so it's easier to just do my day to day stuff and see how i feel when other things happen...which doesn't leave me open to many opportunities either though because not much really happens if you don't leave the house much.

at least now i can be around people a bit more...family anyway.....and strangers as needed for short amounts of time..but anything else seems too difficult/scary.

right now, my focus is on trying to find a place to live on my own as my house has been sold. it is a very difficult thing to be faced with, and inside things are kind of a mess from the fear and chaos of it.

i suppose for me, my others are not all that separate from me...i know they exist 'just' in my head..as in they don't live outward lives..just inside...and can confuse me a lot in general...but sometimes i wouldn't mind if stronger ones would come forward more..not just 'through' me, but just them...maybe other things would happen since that fear might not be so bad..