I don't neglect my cuts, I get something from the ritual of being able to care for them, but I neglect myself in so many other ways.

I enjoy gardening, but it is six feet high in weeds.
The kitchen walls need a good wash.
The toilet broke in the bathroom and I used a bucket for 6 weeks.
I haven't cleaned my bedroom since February and I can't see the floor because of clothes and bags of stuff.
There are holes in the carpets throughout the house.
I haven't decorated in 20 years.
I shower once a week.
I am about to lose my job and can't be bothered to look for other jobs.
I don't eat properly and deliberately dehydrate myself.
Refused to take meds when I was physically ill, even though I was bleeding heavily and wanted the bleeding to stop.

You are right, the urge to self-destruct is a whole attitude that is overwhelming. Do you a T to help you work through these issues? Is there just one thing that you could change that might start the ball rolling on the other things? I'm told I need to develop self-compassion, do you feel that to be an issue for you?

I actually applied for a job today, that was slight progress I suppose, but I already had an old application that I adapted. I want the job, but I can't envisage being motivated enough to present myself well at an interview.