I think you're really good at knowing and articulating what you need. I don't know if what you need can be reasonably provided by a therapist, though. Which sucks, because therapy triggers a lot of those needs for everyone.

The thing is, your last T tried to get you a higher level of care, which you didn't want, understandably. But you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, with needs which are so powerful and therapists who constantly defend their boundaries.

Sometimes, therapy seems like it's more a war zone where a needy client attempts to get succor from a therapist who is artfully trying to dodge them while placating them with things that just aren't true. Or tossing dried up old scraps of bread to a hungry duck while keeping all the good bread for themselves, which they defend to the end, because 'boundaries'.

But the thing is, if you start taking money to deal with people who are hurting, then don't be surprised when their pain overwhelms them and they need you. Therapists get themselves into these situations and then they think boundaries are this answer to everything.

If you don't feel comforted, if you think she's a smiling mannequin of a person with flat affect, then that's your reality and her telling you to feel otherwise isn't therapeutic.

I don't know what the answer is here, but I do understand how you feel and I'm sorry.