When I experience depression, things that happened many years ago and that I am over by now, suddenly feel as fresh as though they had happened just yesterday. My mind will hone in on and anything and everything that is sad or tragic in nature, and my past experiences are simply included in that. However, this is a matter if depression taking hold and unearthing old things, in addition to focusing obsessively on present-day sad and tragic things. The things themselves are not causing the depression, but rather the depression is honing in on said-things.

I also have emotional trauma-based issues, sort of like a complex PTSD or BPD type thing going on, at the same time. This is a separate set of issues unto itself, and works in the reverse. Certain situations can trigger these issues.

Whereas again, depression manifests as a random mood episode and goes digging around for issues.

Depression issues as well as all of my mood disorder issues can only be tackled with proper medication.

My emotional issues concerning childhood trauma cannot be fixed with medication, only with the right type of therapy and a lot of dedicated time and effort in that regard.

Distinguishing these two sets of issues can be hard, and having to deal with them both simultaneously is extremely overwhelming.

Your post gives me the impression that you are dealing with more than just a mood disorder, perhaps similar to my situation, and that you might need a really good therapist in addition to psychiatry.

My 2 cents opinion.