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Old Jun 29, 2015, 08:43 PM
Butterfly Crisis Butterfly Crisis is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 16
I have a therapist, but I don't know how to broach the topic of DID. We've only been seeing each other since January and even then, he doesn't know a LOT of the stuff going on within me.. I've been looking into DID ever since my symptoms have gotten a lot worse. I didn't even understand it to begin with and still have a hard time comprehending it all, specifically because it causes me to freak out a bit and worry about who I am. That's the problem; I have no idea who I am, I'm different all the time, down to the point where I can't recognize myself at all. I don't LOOK like me, I don't ACT like me. I don't even know who ME is, and I constantly ask people who I am so I can see what they see; MAYBE that will make me know who I am..

This has been a problem for a very long time and after reading a few posts in this subforum, I think it stems from when I had to imagine things and daydream in order to cope with total isolation and other bad things. I found this (How You Can Tell If You Have Alters) and it says...

Quote:
The main four symptoms of dissociative identity disorder are:

1. Amnesia. A very common manifestation of the disorder is amnesia or loss of time usually observed by those around the person. Patients with DID experience frequent memory gaps in personal history (as extreme as an overall loss of biographical memory for extended periods of time during childhood, adolescence, or adulthood years), past events (they can forget what had happened during a certain period of time such as 3 years in a row) or recent events (they find items in their house that they do not remember purchasing, written notes with a different handwriting than their, or evidence of activities they don't remember engaging in). Some experts hypothesis that amnesia might be possible due to the fact that passive identities tend to have more constricted memories, while the more hostile, controlling, or protective identities have more complete memories. "An identity that is not in control may nonetheless gain access to consciousness."

Approximately, 98 percent of patients with DID display amnesia (from mild to severe forms) when an alternate personality surfaces. When the host personality takes charge, the time spent under the control of other alters is either completely lost to memory, or only remembered as confusing bits and pieces.

2. Depersonalization is a dissociation symptom characterized by an alteration in the perception or experience of self, in which the patient either feels that their body is unreal, changing or dissolving, or detached from it, similar with an outside observer of their own mental processes or body while having no control over the situation.

3. Derealization is also a dissociation symptom in which the external world is perceive as strange or unreal.

4. Identity disturbances is one of the most distinct symptoms of dissociative identity disorder. Individuals with DID usually have a main personality and several alters that take charge in different situations. The alternate identities "are intrapsychic entities that have a sense of self, have an emotional repertoire, and can process information." Some of the alters handle and act out emotions the patient cannot deal with such as rage or terror, others (called internal self helpers) watch what is going on and give advice, or act as friends. Some alters can know, observe, and interact with one another in an extremely elaborated inner world, while others may not be aware of the existence of some alters. When they interact with one another, the patient can report hearing inner conversations which are usually diagnosed as auditory hallucinations. However, DID auditory hallucinations differ from schizophrenia auditory hallucinations due to their distinct qualities. In DID, the voices are perceived to be heard internally in the brain, while in schizophrenia the voices are perceived to come from outside the brain.
The latter 3, I know I have issues with, and the things I've put in bold are what I experience when it comes to Amnesia and Identity Disturbances. I don't get amnesia all the time, but I do go into trance-like modes where I do things and time passes and I don't even realize what I'm doing until it's over and things are misplaced and whatever else. I don't know if I have alters, but I have many "ME"s inside of me, if that makes sense?

Can someone help me understand DID and possibly what I'm trying to say / experiencing?

Last edited by Butterfly Crisis; Jun 29, 2015 at 11:36 PM. Reason: To elaborate on what I'm talking about.
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