This isn't the first time it happens. If everything is good in my life or if my life is "too boring", I unconsciously do something that causes me emotional pain. And when I'm already in pain, I want things to get better and go back to how they were before. It's kind of masochistic in a way. I start overthinking on purpose to feel something and sometimes I miss the times when I was in pain and want to go back. That's probably why my friendships don't last long, because I purposely ruin them or put them at risk and then try to fix them just to entertain myself, I guess.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Is this okay? If not, how do I stop it? Thanks