It's also possible that you have a lot of unprocessed stuff in your head, and that this is your way of trying to get 'permission' to feel things that you needed to feel at some point but were unable to feel fully and express.

What you're describing actually doesn't make much sense, as well. There is actually no such thing as emotional masochism, I don't care what convoluted argument anyone might try to make against that, it just flat out does not exist.

Either you're a sociopath who is in a perpetual state of boredom and likes to elicit negative emotions in other people to entertain yourself.

Or you are reliving old things and trying to process toxic crap out of your mind.