Quote:
Originally Posted by xxxyyyzzz
This isn't the first time it happens. If everything is good in my life or if my life is "too boring", I unconsciously do something that causes me emotional pain. And when I'm already in pain, I want things to get better and go back to how they were before. It's kind of masochistic in a way. I start overthinking on purpose to feel something and sometimes I miss the times when I was in pain and want to go back. That's probably why my friendships don't last long, because I purposely ruin them or put them at risk and then try to fix them just to entertain myself, I guess.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Is this okay? If not, how do I stop it? Thanks  |
I have a pretty similar question that I put in Depression, titled "Do I enjoy this?" So well. I don't have the answer for you, given that I'm experiencing something similar. But I do hope you find it. And that I find it too. I don't know what you suffer from, but I suffer from depression, and in the end, everything I have to say about it boils down to one thing—Depression is a liar. It throws thoughts and impulses at you that feel so entirely real and aren't. You won't be able to differentiate on your own. You will need to trust in at least one or two other people to differentiate for you a lot of the time. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. I'm not there yet. But I'm making progress. And I hope you can too. 
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"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." -CS Lewis, the Screwtape Letters
Teen with (probably severe) depression
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