Alright, so basically something happened that "awakened" some feelings within me. First, I'm 100% a gay woman. It's not that which confuses me.

I've been single near 10 months now. I am wanting a relationship. I have no way to meet people right now (small town and not a lot for youth to do here which means no meeting people really).

I have a friend I have been good friends with for two or so years. Truthfully, I've always been curious about her. Never seriously. She's always been "straight" to everyone. However, I always wondered if she wasn't entirely. She'd make comments about girls that just didn't seem "straight" to me at all. So we hung out this weekend. She made more of those comments. So, I finally just asked her. Turns out she's into girls and guys, but she says it's really about the person (so she's pansexual to me).

I suppose it's natural to begin to think of your friends in a romantic way sometimes. For me, it happens a lot. I just do not tend to pursue it--especially if I'm not certain they're into girls.

So...I'm interested in her, but I'm confused about it. I'm wondering if this new fact has just awakened my interest and might pass in time. The thing is that I have briefly thought about kissing her and what it would be like if we were together. Thought in some weird way I'm also turned off by it...feeling that I shouldn't want to do that. Also, she's cute, but she's not super attractive so I wonder if that has to do with it or not (sorry if it sounds shallow...it's just honest).

Sooooo should I do anything? Should I consider texting her to say something about my curiosity? I know that she's kind of into someone right now, but knows it wouldn't be good for her. I also know she is not clear cut gay or bisexual. Knowing that, I sort of feel like my "chances" are slim. And you know, anything past friendship can get messy--especially when you have been friends so long. I also have Bipolar and perhaps Borderline. I've got an extreme idea that girlfriends are suppose to take care of me and be there for me all of the time. I get a consistent need to have to talk to them. That's what ruins it. And in this case, it'd totally kill a friendship.

What should I do? I feel it wouldn't hurt to be honest, but that makes me scared as well. I feel she'd at least feel flattered, but something tells me she wouldn't feel the same way about me. I don't deal with rejection well either and that makes things awkward (especially for the next time we see each other in person). I don't want it to be this "I just want a girlfriend" kind of thing either, but after two years I of course know her pretty well and consider her one of my good friends.

What to do...what to do...