Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliaxxx
Not surprising really. I mean, it's a freaking long post, I don't blame them for not reading if they didn't.
I've been really hoping she does feel that way about me actually... Which is actually one of the reasons why I posted this...My my dream is for her to actually love me like a mom. I smiled really big when you said "she probably does genuinely care...wants to mother you". Which probably is just making me look more ridiculous and obsessed.
What do you mean by red flags? Like, I never felt uncomfortable around her or anything at all. I swear. I didn't think she was doing anything wrong, I thought it was just me and I was looking for a way to keep my own transference under control. What are "standard boundaries" anyways? I mean, I know us hugging isn't always normal but she said it's not unusual and okay if the client is okay with it. She said there is nothing wrong with it.
But I think it's my fault, because I asked for the hugs and sort of, back handedly, said things to lead her in that direction, because otherwise she would of never said those things. Or done them. She is too professional... I had a therapist when I was 9 who was REALLY unprofessional (like, said that I was going to go blind from masturbation, and was in general a sack job) so I have comparisons... I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for her.
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I guess the thing is, if people haven't read it all they might just say 'oh this is another post about transference' and respond as if you're having run of the mill problems.
The things I highlighted in my first post are the things which I think fall outside most typical therapeutic relationships. Hugs are fine. Lingering hugs... seem odd.
I don't think there is anything wrong with being happy that your therapist cares for you. It's awesome that you have a therapist who does, and that you feel that connection. If she says it is genuine, and you feel it is, then it in all likelihood is.
I wonder if it would be useful to you and her to have a discussion around the relationship. However, I do think it's not ideal for you to blame yourself for anything you have done. You're the client. You are in her care. It's up to her to make sure the dynamic stays healthy. Not you.