I think it'd be good of you told her how much you're hurting.

I understand that it can be really really tough though.

And it's also tough to stop self harm when it works to relieve horrible feelings or empty feelings.

Learning self soothing and emotional regulation isn't easy when one doesn't have the foundation of a secure attachment base, so my T says.

Right now, you probably don't yet (but you will! ) have her internalized so when she's gone, it feels like she's completely gone.

I'm not there yet either, so I look at a photo I found of her, and listen to a recording I have of her in order to feel connected to her. I got them secretly and I don't really recommend that as I feel guilty and dishonest about it.

She once did a "safe space" imagery exercise where she was in the image too and I found my secret recording of that super soothing.

I wanted to SH to ease loneliness and missing my T too (we have had two 1 month breaks this 2 months) but have been hanging on to her teachings about how we all deserve kindness and care, because we matter as people.

Do you think you can ask for such an object (like a toy, a card, a stone) from her to help you "hold on" to her presence with you, even when she might be really far away? She hugs you and seems really caring to you, I think she might be willing.

Maybe link her this if you feel a transitory object can help - http://brettnewcomb.com/transitional...the-therapist/

I really really don't want to come across as advising though. These are just suggestions and you aren't obligated to try them.