Regarding whether or not your T has overstepped some boundaries with the way she responds to you: my T was also a very tactile, huggy, telling-me-I'm-special type of T and that definitely did cause complications for me and increased my attachement and transference feelings very deeply.

I, like you, had all sorts of fantasies about longing for her to take care of me, tuck me in a night like a mom and all the rest. For me things got in a real painful mess more than once. The fantasies all stayed in my head - I never told her. Not sure how she'd have reacted! I did tell her I had a longing for her to be my mom and she said she was flattered by that and that that was ok.

Looking back I do think my T misjudged a lot of things and when I read your first post on this thread I did think how like my own T yours sounded - actually, not as loose boundaried as mine was! This is why I say again that if you feel overwhelmed by your feelings towards her and the transference and find it doesn't help telling her (hopefully it will though) then do consider talking it all through with another T even if only for a handful of sessions. As I said before this is what I did. It was helpful because the second T could see where there were loose or less than ideal boundaries or responses coming from my first T but I had support and advice in how to manage (from second T) and where to go from there at the same time. She could also see the difference from my interpretations of my first T and what was really happening. I often felt like I had some kind of over-sensitive antennae that was looking out for words and behaviours that meant I was special to the first T - but that ignored the fact that while she did care and liked me, she was also doing her job.

The thing is that once a strong attachment and strong transference has occurred it won't help at all to be simply told about any errors of judgement your T may have had or that perhaps she has dealt with you the 'wrong' way. You'll still have to find your way through the transference as once it has happened it can't simply be switched off. You'll almost certainly be unable to just leave her - as you've already indicated. So it's a case of finding the best way forward (best for you that is).

I do think there are many Ts who misjudge how to deal with very emotional hurt or needy people. The "mothering" style they use might feel amazing and just what we've always wanted (even though we never knew it until we met them!) and it might highlight and bring to our attention what we need to be nurturing and developing and then finding for ourselves in our real lives - but they can cause a lot of hurt too.

Anyway, if you think your think your T is fine and that things will be ok then ignore this. They do work in different ways - but get a second opinion if you're unsure or if, after you've talked to her about all this, you don't feel your T is really understanding your transference or her contribution to it.

I'm sorry you've had some difficult times I'm hoping life will get much better for you soon.
Take carexx