CosmicRose, it amazed me how you are so interested in figuring out the truth about something that you will just flat out state that someone who disagrees with you is right if that is how it looks to you upon further reflection. Not very many people are able and willing to do that. You are impressive in many ways!

Maybe you saw this article posted by QuietMind in the transference thread started by ameliaxxx, but just in case I am including the link here. I found this article to be really clear and helpful:

Disorganized Attachment or Why You Think You?re Crazy But Really Aren?t | Tales of a Boundary Ninja

(Note: in the article, BN = BoundaryNinja (the therapist), AF = attachment figure).