I had been diagnosed by my psychiatrist as Bopolar I (NOS)/Major Depressive Disorder. I had a great experience with this Psychiatrist until he left the practice and moved back to his homeland, Ecuador. My therapist of 2yrs in one session mentioned the term Borderline but didn't go into it at all, it was like he was afraid to tell me. Being inquisitive and knowledge hungry I went to the library the next day and went to the Reference section and got the DSMIV-TR 2000 and looked up the word Borderline and found Borderline Personality Disorder and started reading. At 49yrs old I had finally found myself. I started reading the criteria and the tears just started rolling down my face right there in the library. I had met all 9 of the criteria! I was actually happy to finally know that their was actually something causing all this to be going on.

This is where the nightmare really began........trying to get help when you're on Social Security Disability. Not enough money for even food for a month after rent and utilities, let alone dr. Copays, therapist copays, medications........I'm not able to get the help I so want and need that this exacerbates my depression so bad I hardly get out of bed anymore. Why? There's nothing out there for me. My biggest and worst fear is that I'm going to die before I ever get to live......