Okay, so my bf and I were in a really good place. We had had a long talk about my bf lack of libido- stress, being in the first good relationship in his life- and then feelings over toook us and we were intimate for the first time in a long while. I think he has been in more relationships that were lust filled and not romantically based- we were in a really good place.
Then, we sat down and were watching a few videos on Youtube and I selected one that was fuzzy, and essentially we both reached to try and fix it at the same time, but I was forcefully trying to pull his hand away as I told him to let me do it.- he was like 'what the hell is wrong with you" and rightfully so I guess. I couldn't explain my actions. I've never done anything like that before. and so after that video we went to bed, both of us upset. H was angry, and I was angry and confused with myself. Then he left for work this morning he said he wants me to try to think hard for an explanation for my actions and then he sent me angry text messages saying how he would like a logical explanation of why I did what I did instead of an apology. Well, I already tried to logically explain myself last night- and profusely apologized. I feel like an idiot asshole, I don't know what compelled me to do that. I ****ing suck.
How do you explain something that you yourself can't even explain? MAybe I was still partially in a reverie after our intimacy- or maybe I was on autopilot, because shortly after he went to bed I realized how exhausted I was. I don't know. and he doesn't like the 'I don't know' explanation- which I only added to show how I confused I was myself with my own actions. So now after work We're gonna have another talk and I don't know what to tell him. I sorta feel like he's overreacting a bit though . . .?