it's hard again today. trying to pack stuff, but it's just triggering the desire to cut.
reached out to the T I'm returning to, but didn't know what to say, so ended up telling her nevermind.
reached out to most recent ex-t, but felt really guilty and bad for leaving her a message (and I doubt she could understand me through my tears).
maybe cutting would just be easier and I could just function better after...

when I talked to my wife for a bit last night, all I could do was cry... so she changed the subject (and that was fine with me b/c I didn't want to cry anymore).

I think today I just need a safe person/place to cry... but there isn't one right now.