…but I really don't want to go.

The therapist just invalidated me last time (actually both of the therapists I saw apparently have). One just told me I "just have social anxiety" like it's no big deal and have all but ignored the depression symptoms I have. I guess since it's closer to PMDD (I'm only depressed one or two days a months and it always falls at one week or two weeks before my period starts, but usually exactly 2 weeks before. I'm fine for the rest of the month.) than it is to "normal" depression. So since I'm fine when I go in and since my issues don't prevent me from doing my job or my schoolwork, it doesn't matter I guess? Who cares if it affects my relationship or that even though I can get my work done it's way more difficult and miserable than it needs to be, right?

Honestly, I need to talk to someone about the issues that affect my relationship and the ability to get what I want career wise. But it doesn't matter since I can get A job…even though I don't feel like I can get THE job I want because of my social/performance anxiety. I'm uncomfortable talking about it though because I'll just be told it's not a big deal and that there's nothing I can do about it and I basically just need to deal with it/get over it.

Last time I was telling my therapist how I'm not where I want to be in life and feel powerless to change that any time soon. Maybe in a couple years…maybe in a year, but to me, that's a long time. That and I don't feel like I can work towards it and it's still out of my control completely. She was pretty much like, there's nothing you can do about it so get over it. Then I almost had to beg to reschedule and she didn't reschedule for 5 weeks. If I can't see someone weekly, I don't see the point of seeing someone? I guess because I don't have real issues? But had she been willing to see me on a regular basis, I would have gotten to the "worse" issues, including the issues I have with sex. I want to see a sex therapist soon, but if none of my issues are bad enough to be taken seriously, I don't think I can risk the embarrassment of talking to someone about sexual issues if I'm just going to be invalidated anyway.

I guess I need to be suicidal and serious about it before I can get help? Or I need to have worse natural coping skills?

The only thing I can think of is having my boyfriend come with me and validate what I'm saying to the therapist because otherwise I can't be believed I guess...