so... I suck. I caved, and it helped for a bit... now packing.
really want to cut again, but don't want it to spiral out of hand right now, so going to try to do more packing until I can't do it anymore.
knew it was a bad idea to try to call ex-t. think I pissed her off by crossing that boundary. knew I shouldn't have.
the move just needs to happen already. the container comes friday, so that will help to get stuff out of the way inside the house (there really isn't a room to pile boxes into). still unsure how to get certain things to fit in the car with us, like plants and anything we can't live without for 3 weeks. Most of the space will be taken up by the critters.
and have to figure out how to stop the cutting between now & the day my wife arrives to help with the move. she doesn't know I've been doing it, and really don't want her to find out (huge sore subject between us).
maybe I can just throw out most of the stuff we have... maybe that would make things easier...
the crying is difficult. It's very hard for me to be ok with crying, so having a safe person around would be helpful. any time my eyes start leaking, I get that terrified kid memory of being told to stop crying or I would be killed. no amount of grounding makes that feel safe if someone hears me cry...