I have been self-harming myself since I was 7 years old, a year after the start of my abuse. I have been cutting, bruising, and puncturing myself from the waist down until last year. I used a power tool on my leg which got infected with MRSA. I was in the hospital for three weeks then thrown in a psych ward for almost that long. What made me stop wasn't so much the trouble it caused me but the fact that now my family knows about this dark secret I've been keeping hidden for so long. I've did not hurt myself since.

However, I have been craving self harm again really bad. I have bought scalpels last year for both self harm and just because I think having them is cool (very selfish and pathetic of me). I have been staring at them for months. I'm currently thinking, "maybe a little cut on my foot or a little cut in my inner thigh. It's okay". I haven't seen my T in over a month because of class but I informed her about my thoughts previously. She asks me if I've done anything each time I seen her and I told her no. I am proud of myself for not self-harming myself for so long but I am I feel awful that I want to ruin my dry spell. I just want to unleash my thoughts.