I am sorry you are feeling so depressed and listless. It sounds from what you say that professional help is called for at this point. A psych doc or therapist would be able to help you deal with your situation.

Anyone that feels they are liable to do self harm should set up a safety plan. here are possible links to explore that.
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan
since you are international
check out https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/