I Just feel down. I've always beat myself up. Ever since I was young. I feel so dumb. In school, I was never the fastest learner. It would take me a while to get things or to understand something. If my step dad tried explaining things to me, and I didn't get it, he would get very pissed off. first time he ever freaked out was when I was in 4th grade. I didn't get this math problem (I suck at math, but I'm good at reading and history) And he kept trying to explain but I didn't get it. After he got frustrated, I got turned off from asking him for help. Ever since then, My self esteem hasn't been the best. Teachers have told my parents that I'm slow, or have ADD, or bad fine motor skills. I was always the shy, awkward, anxious, weird kid at school. I just hate being socially awkward. But what really got me today, was the fact that at my new job (I'm a cashier and I always feel anxious to freak in death going to work). My boss was giving me a hard time, and I didn't feel like I was doing my job right. He said other employees were complaining that I was slow. He lectured me and I got all socially awkward around him. I just feel so meaningless. My girlfriend is beautiful, smart, good at her job, etc., and I'm just slow and stupid and weird. When I was in high school, my only teacher I connected to was my English teacher. such a good man. He would adopt children, and even children with autism, add/adhd, etc. I am crying right now because he was kind of a second father/grandfather to me (he was in his 60s) And I would vent to him. I just wish I had meaning in life. I just don't want to live hear anymore. I'm so useless. I wish Aliens could just take me away and I could be at peace with them. Just so sick of this ****ing planet you know. I always feel like I'm the chosen one or something, but then I feel like that's just dumb thinking. I'm pretty smart. Like I know my history, and I write, but none of that is going to be applied to real life..