Hello everyone.
I'm not sure if what I've experienced could be called emotional abuse, but anyway.

I'm a 16 year old girl, and for as long as I can remember, my mom has never been there for me. When I was little, (younger and smaller than I am now) she hit me, locked me in side my room for many hours, with no food, water, etc. She has always called me bad things (I don't know what those words are in English, and I guess it isn't allowed to swear and that stuff on PC.), told me how ugly I am, that I don't deserve to live, that she wants me to die, wants to kill me, that she wont care if I die or do suicide, that I've ruined my own life, that it is my fault, that it is my own fault that I was born and that she really didn't want me to live, that I have ruined her life, she hates me, etc. And she still do. She also has threatened me with a knife a few times, but it always turns out that she doesn't do it. She also swears and say bad stuff to my dad, when she tells him to go hit me, kill me, etc. when he don't want to. On one side, I'm pretty sure she won't do it, but on the other side, I'm so scared I often don't know what to do anymore. I don't want this anymore, I know no one would, but... I just don't want to live with this anymore!! When we are together with other people, she acts completely different, like nothing was wrong. Why do she do this? Where did I go wrong?

I also got two little brothers. Now I've started to see that she do almost the same to them, as she did to me when I was younger. The smallest one, 7 years, often cries for no reason, and I try my best to help him, ask what's wrong, and he doesn't say anything other than "Mommy, mommy." It scares me, cause when he is like this, he don't want her around, so I guess he means he's scared of her or something. I don't know how to handle this, I feel so responsible for this...

My mom and dad often fight too, and she always gives us children the blame. Mostly me. She often says "If you weren't born this would've never happened!" and swears and calls us bad things.

I've recently had lots of problems sleeping, because when I fall asleep I keep waking up for some reason, often because I'm screaming or crying or something. Or just because I feel locked in and needs to go out side to catch my breath. So because of this I stay awake. I feel so tired at one hand, but on the other I can't lay still, can't relaxe, can't sleep, etc. I feel so empty, kind of. I never laugh, cries, smiles, etc. I just sit in my room, or goes for a walk, alone. The only person I feel good around is my boyfriend. When he's not around, I feel like crap. I feel like nothing. I don't want this, I want help on one hand, on the other I just want to end it all...

Thanks for reading, I hope I'll get some comments... I'm not sure if I can call this emotional abuse, but - I feel like it is...

I guess I should've writen down my whole life story for this to make any sense... I just don't feel like doing it now, to much pain... I guess I could do it if somebody cared, but I don't know. And I don't feel like I can put a word on all my feelings, because I feel like I have none, so I don't know. I've tried, but when I read over it, this isn't actually how I really feel, just a few parts of it.
But thanks for reading anyway. *Hugs*