I can't relate to the addiction part since my gambling issue was very acute, but I can relate to the experience to a little extent.

I had a very delusional episode that lasted about 3 weeks total several years ago, where I was having conversations with someone unknown entity or energy that was encouraging me to gamble and somehow everything was connected and meaningful, and there was a deal involved and it was part of some higher mission, like I was going to win but then I would receive very specific instructions on what to do with the money and my life, I was just going to be an instrument for a greater cause. Etc.

Well long story short I spent over $600 on scratch off lottery tickets in under 3 weeks (a lot of money for me), did not win or go on to help the world in some greater cause. I did however have lots of very shiny and sparkling tickets all over my then-office.

When it was all over I was so embarrassed and confused at the whole thing, normally I'm the more logic-based type and would never fall for such a thing as a state lottery scheme. Felt like I had been possessed and oh goodness I was so flippin embarrassed.

I am sure you're not alone in the pity party, plenty of us have done some nutty stuff while knowing it was nutty.