Thinking is something I find myself doing a lot. Talking to people I find a bit harder. I found myself in conversation with my father the other day and he asked how I was. I told him about the wobbly year I've had so far and he said something that just instantly got to me. "You've had a tough life, kid." That single sentence right there felt like understanding. I've never had so few words impact me like that, I was virtually in tears. It just felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and maybe some explanation for the cluster**** my life turned out to be.

I have had a tough time for so long now. I've spent most of my life doing crazy **** and trying to keep down the demons inside. I've done that by fair means such as now, under a psychiatrist and psychologist as well as foul means. Alcohol, drugs and whatever else I could use in a vain attempt to keep me going. I've got scars from self-harm, two suicide attempts and more regrets and remorse than I can think of. I'm in so much debt it's not funny.

After all these years I'm finally getting proper treatment for this crap and not something more damaging. I'm starting to feel some improvement even when I'm swinging between moods and I'm looking forward to getting better and this disorder under control.

I've been through all that and I'm still here. That's amazing. Screw it, I'm amazing.

You folks are too. I can imagine everything you've been through because I'm right there with you. That's right, you're amazing. We all are.

I might not always be able to control my crazy, but that's ok. I can live with that. And that's the point.