I don't think you necessarily need to write family off immediately...when they become toxic then it would probably be best...

What do I mean (my definition) by toxic...when you have had candid conversations with family members about your boundaries and after a learning curve process...continue to go beyond the boundaries you have set...then it is probably time to distance yourself...

What do I mean by conversations and boundaries...conversations-preferable in person, but can be done by phone, email, or mail. Boundaries depends a lot on your specific circumstances...but I can tell you when they are crossed you remind them of the conversation regarding if this happens this is how you will respond...Please know that there is a learning curve...it may take some time for them to getting use to your assertive style...they also may never get use to it...but for all of us at PC...we need assertive conversation...not passive...and certainly not aggressive.

I can only offer an example as I don't know the issues you may have with family...I'll grab a phone conversation to work through...

Phone rings and you know it is your mother (or insert other family member)...passive communication you don't answer it...aggressive communication might be "why do you always call me and nag on me about not ____"

Assertive communication you answer the phone...polite and cordial...when the person triggers you in some why...let's say that mom says, "We are going to have a family function and you will be happy!" (note this would be aggressive communication). This is where the pause comes in...and you gather all your strength and say..."Mom, I really enjoy talking with you and like to be with our family; however, when you demand something like this...I will have to end our conversation"...there may be some aggressive comments on her side...you just continue on "Mom, I'm sorry but I've got to go..." (polite and cordial)...Next time this happens and it probably will...you just need to remind her, "Mom, we talked about this already, so I'll have to end our converstation...talk to you later..."

This can be used in most situations...Most importantly parents (or other family members)who can not respect reasonable boundaries are not people who are worth honoring...based in the context of this response...

Final thought...these are not demands or rules placed on people...these our boundaries for yourself...it is their choice to say or do certain acts...It is your choice how to respond to them...passive, aggressive, or assertive...

P.S. You sound like you were a wonderful father...not sure what event happened; however, I'm sorry for the pain it caused...