I can relate sooooo much to the original post. I definitely do my suffering in silence and probably don't get the help I need because of it out of shame, pride, fear, and guilt. Those are the emotions that I have come to live with and think of as just a part of me when I'm not doing well.

I take pride in having year and a half long depressions and having no one at work notice anything is wrong. I take pride in having manias and having people just think I've had a little too much coffee and nothing more if they think anything at all. I hide my self destructive behaviors like drinking, smoking, taking nutritional supplements to get high, and not taking my benzos or ambien 100% as prescribed. I just always think and feel that I have things under control and that the soldier in my mind, or the general as you put it, will keep me from showing any symptoms in front of anyone. My anxiety is a huge part of this. One of my biggest anxieties is not seeming perfectly fine and normal. I think this is one of the main reasons I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD yet, because I hide my symptoms when I'm talking to my pdoc, and only let them come out when I'm alone (although they do accidentally come out at work and school as well). I want to be a good patient, and I'll hide anything to seem that way. And sometimes I convince myself I'm okay when I'm really not. I know it's not good. But like you, it's how I was raised to be. My family doesn't show emotion or vent their problems openly or show their bad habits in front of others. It's only by chance that I know my mom is an exercise bulimic, and she has no idea that I have bulimic tendencies too. I haven't told anyone. I feel like I need to keep it to myself or I will be too ashamed and lose my pride. It's a huge fear of mine.