for me, most similar issues have all been anxiety related. I would bring them up to t (though it was hard), and would realize my perception of her was totally skewed by transference.

1) Being open comes with time and trust. The last t relationship I knew was only going to be about 4 months when going into it, so I asked t to push me and I also pushed myself to work through whatever came up as soon as it came up. I wrote a lot to her. Sometimes the pushing triggered a shut-down though, and I had to take a step back to be able to recharge. I'm hoping this all will help me be more open with next/former t. I had previously seen her for about 3 years and danced around a lot of stuff. This experience of switching t's so often these last 2 years makes me totally appreciate the steadier relationship with this other t.

2) I hadn't really consciously lead therapy til this last t. There was something very specific I wanted to tackle. I went in with the express purpose of dealing with a specific trauma. After building the foundation of our relationship, I just went in to session with the intention of talking about it, though letting t guide the process because she had the training and detachment to point me in the right direction.
With other therapists (where wasn't so focused on one goal), I would sometimes write stuff out, other times just process the week.

3) I smile and nod through most things. Conveying emotions is very difficult for me. I find I'm often very blunted so most everyone misreads me (The song Studying Stones by Ani DiFranco is my anthem, lol). This has been a process of trial and error. I do better expressing things through art, so I bring my art journal in with me. I also write stuff out before or after. One session with this last t, I simply told her one day that I didn't think I was communicating effectively. I asked for help with it. We had a conversation around how I felt. I know I used more emotion words, though I think I checked out, so I was probably really blank and flat while talking. I dunno. I think this recent t was just able to figure out my communication style faster/easier than previous t's (or she was better at communicating that she understood). With a few other t's, I had to come back to find other ways to express myself. This t figured that more than one message in a few days meant I was struggling. The level of struggle was directly proportionate to how unable I was to communicate in the moment (the less I was able to express, the worse off I was). Though I think I explained more about how I work at the beginning because I wanted to make the most of our time together.

Good luck with your t. I'm honestly not reading things you write so much of a questioning about whether you can work with this t. I'm reading it more in terms of how you can figure each other out, and how to work with the relationship. Maybe i'm missing something in what you are trying to express? I think t relationships, like any relationship, go through a period of learning each other and figuring out how to work together. Yeah, there are relationships that simply don't work right of the bat, but most of them have a learning curve. I think you're still in that learning phase...